JBot Mania

This is “Big Boy” a.k.a. “Stumpy” a.k.a. “Buckey” a.k.a. “Knuckles”. I call him Big Boy right now because, of my two cats, he is, well, the biggest. Seems simple enough. Frankly, this naming scheme is pretty complex since I usually rely on calling my cats “kitty”. Having two, though, this wouldn’t work out too well so I went with “Big Boy” for the big guy and “Little Bit” for the kitten. Yeah, yeah, call the ASPCA.

Anyway, if you don’t believe that this is me in cat form, then check out the image below of me and my poor kitty that passed away.

It’s also worth noting that the arrangement in this picture is not an uncommon occurrence. Maybe I’m just narcoleptic.

I’ve taken to doing some programming at home. I’d like to say that it is for extra dough, but much like my step mother, I do most things for free. Silly me. Eventually that will stop… I think. Anyway, I have taken to working on this at my kitchen table and now a desk in my living room. Living alone, I didn’t really think it mattered where I work, and it doesn’t, but it DOES matter how much and how much it interferes with my cat getting attention.

Much of my time is spent encouraging my cat to share me with my computer and invariably giving in to his notion that I should share myself with him, instead.

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No, it’s not the Extreme Vaginal Makeover episode of Drawn Together. I am referring to, of course, the extreme makeover of Muffin Stump or “Stumpy” for short.

After deciding that Muffin Face was gone for good–having left me to continue her career in the world of espionage, I thought to myself, “What Would Willie Moe do?” Willie Moe was, of course, the cat whose passing began this whole adventure. Well, Willie Moe would tell me to pick the underdog–the cat with FIV, almost no teeth, ear mites, an upper respiratory infection, fleas, a prevalent urine smell in his coat, and possibly worms. So, that’s what I did.

As you might recall, Stumpy, or ‘Knuckles” as he was previously referred to, came to us through an amazing capture by Sora.

He looked like he had definitely seen better days.

Now that he has been cleaned up and treated very graciously by a local vet, I have taken him home to live with me. I must say, you’d hardly know that he was the same cat.

Here he is sleeping off a tough morning of eating wet cat food and licking his ass.

Here, he is showing his displeasure, not only with having his picture taken, but also with my use of the laptop in general. When he takes over the world, many of you will see his image coming across YOUR screen in the very same manner, as he shows his displeasure for any of your waking moments not solely devoted to him.

So far, he has been a bit disappointing in the personal hygiene area, but, as I will explain later, this could very well be part of his ninja-like repertoire–and by Ninja, I mean the direct opposite.

Recently, I have also been privy, through an undisclosed contact, to some of Stumpy’s past and I will share it posthaste. All I can say is–Kitty porn.

So, as the saga of my foray into another pussy…cat continues, I have decided to focus my attention on ‘Knuckles’ and post some of the updates I have been given as he continues to get treatment at the vet.

So far:

8/14/2006
“I just got back from visiting him at the vet. He looks sick, from what I can see he has a bad upper respiratory infection. Also his eyes looked red and sore. This is often associated with URI. I asked them to prescribe some eye ointment for him and I put it in. I asked the vet tech to make sure the vet looks at him in the morning and to check him for ear mites and other things. I will call them tomorrow too to try to make sure he is attended to. I petted him which he liked and noticed he is covered with scabs - probably fight wounds. On the positive side he is eating very well and I gave him a can of Fancy Feast and he was busy gobbling it when I left.”

8/16/2006
“I honestly don’t know what to say. Yesterday another of our cat volunteers went to see Buckie and she wrote me to say that Buckie was going on IV antibiotics because of breathing problems. Given that I thought Buckie should stay at the vet clinic until he was better. Well, today I called about 5:00 pm and found out that he was not getting IV antibiotics. _)()(&(*^&$%$%$%^ I don’t know what to think. The vet was not in and is on vacation until Monday )(*(*&&%^%%^ . I asked if he could get injectible antibiotics because the vet techs can’t start an IV. I will push for this (injectibles) tomorrow. Injectibles work faster than pills… I will go see Buckie tomorrow morning and make sure something is being done. ”

8/21/2006
“Ruth saw Buckie twice today - each time he ate a whole can of Fancy Feast. She brought 18 cans plus some other food (Sheba). She said he looked a lot better, but thought his ears still needed work and I will check on them tomorrow and make sure they are getting what they need.”

YESTERDAY
“I visited Buckie today at about 3:00. He got up and meowed when he saw me. I’d like to think he finds me special, but I think he knows a food delivery service when he sees it. I cleaned his cage, his litter box, and his bedding and gave him fresh water, dry food and another can of Fancy Feast. The director of the shelter also stopped by this am to give him Fancy Feast. Alyssa said she has seen him eat an entire LARGE can of cat food. I know the vet techs clean his cage at least daily, but he’s pretty active in there and makes a mess as fast as he can. He seemed like he was doing very well. He still is getting meds, and his fur is a mess from all the scratching at his head and elsewhere trying to make the earmites and fleas stop biting him. I think he is a cat who has lived most of his life in total misery … starving and being eaten alive by fleas and ear mites. Besides that he had to fight off other cats and sadly picked up FIV. He has a lot of personality, he’s just a doll.”

Well, the time has come to call off the search for my darling Muffin Face. I have failed as keeper of a Kitsky. It was short but sweet and now, she is free to run with the Clover Street Pathers, where I am sure she will be Queen within the year.

I am trying to redeem myself by taking in a Kitsky from the street. My JBot math says that if I lose a spayed cat and take in a cat who is then neutered–in the grand scheme of things, I have balanced out the universe of stray cats. It works for me.

I have now moved on to providing updates on ‘Knuckles’–the most likely next Kitsky. As far as the naming process goes, I am partial to ‘Knuckles’, but I’d also like to keep the Muffin Face tradition going. Moreover, I watched Seabiscuit last night, during which I mentioned the strong parallel between Knuckles and the horse. It’s a tough call.

Feel free to comment with suggestions.

Playing the part of Muffin Face, and subsequently the stray cat, I present to you, Mack (or Buckie as he is being called at the vet).

You really want to brace yourself for a moment. He’s had a long, hard life in the stunt double business and probably has done some things that he’s not so proud of…

With a good hot shower and some vaseline on the lens, you’d never know he had FIV.

So, they said not to leave the cat trap out at night because I might catch a raccoon. Well, I wasn’t catching anything else, so I said, “Hey, raccoons are cute too. I just want to catch something. Anything to make me feel like I am making any kind of progress on the Muff front.”

And wouldn’t you know it–I caught something. Here’s a little rendition of the creature.

Needless to say, when I woke up and saw this creature in my trap, I said, “Oh shit.”

I’m not crazy. I know that skunks are “cute” but only until they spray you and you forever have that skunk funk on you. I also knew, though, as a reasonably caring human being that I could not leave it in there until it somehow figured out how to grow opposable thumbs and/or died.

I went outside and took a better look at my catch. It was relatively small and yes, cute. I was careful when making my approach, however. There was also the faint odor of skunk spray. Do skunks run out of spray? I was not sure.

My little friend was staying pretty close to the end where I would have to release him. I wasn’t too keen on that idea. I turned to say hello to my neighbors who asked if I would keep it, after which, the animal had moved to the middle. I decided to approach slowly.

The problem with this situation is that the release maneuver is not exactly quick and clean. You have to unclamp something, do a little dance, etc. etc. I decided to stand a distance away and reach over to the cage so that I could hopefully, leap backward in the event that I saw any signs of tail raising.

My first attempt to unlock the trap was unsuccessful and the skunk showed its displeasure at my existence. It made a little squeak and, I believe, thumped its foot much like a rabbit.

I tried again with little success and then decided to go full boar on the unlocking process since the skunk seemed happy enough to thump and realized that I was actually helping it.

Once I got the trap unlocked, I stepped back again to give the skunk and I some breathing room. All the while, of course, I am talking to said skunk, explaining what I am doing. “I know honey, I don’t want you in there either.” or “I just need to unlock it and then I can let you go.”

I reached toward the cage again, raised the exit door and backed away. After a few seconds, the skunk figured it out and went about its merry way, a bit slowly. Hopefully he has not sprayed any of my neighbors… and I suppose I won’t leave the trap out at night anymore.

And now to the next chapter in Muff Watch 2006. I am going to have to embellish a bit, since I was not present for these events, but you’ll enjoy it.

Yesterday evening, as Sora was entering my apartment, he saw Muffin Face lying on the porch of the house across the street. Quickly, he dashed into the apartment, grabbed the big black net, and started after her.

Waking up from what appeared to be a doze, Muffin Face leaped up and ran into the backyard. Sora quickly gave chase. Leaping over hedges and across lawns, he finally cornered her in a garden. The garden just so happened to belong to the nice Polish gentlemen that I met the day before.

One of the men offered to “flush her out” of the garden to Sora’s awaiting net. Muffin Face, however, would have none of it and leaped over the garden wall. She landed skillfully on a seven-foot high wall that was perhaps a foot wide, if that. Sora charged after her, across the treacherous wall, finally jumping to the ground to continue the chase. Soon enough, with one swoop of the net, he caught her!

The entire neighborhood had become aware of the chase and all had come to watch. As he raised the net triumphantly in one hand, they all began to cheer “Bravo!”

Women were hanging out of their windows throwing flowers down upon him. The echoes of the revelry could be heard two streets over. The entire street filled with people congratulating him and parading behind him as he made his way back to my apartment. After putting Muffin Face inside the door, Sora shut it and gave the crowd one last raise of the fist and hearty kiss and a wave. He proceeded inside to the waiting prisoner.

Picking up a picture and making careful comparison, Sora determined that he had, indeed, captured the notorious Muffin Face. Rather pleased with his handy work, he put this Muffin Face in the back room and neatly arranged her blankets and food bowl. She would get her comeuppance soon enough, but not until I arrived home.

To alert me to his victory, a sign was constructed and placed on my door, alerting me to the Viscous (not vicious) kitties inside, captured by the Cat Gang Reclamation Association.

Whilst all this was happening, I had been at a shelter in Bethel trying to obtain a Muffin Face replacement, to no avail. Apparently I was supposed to catch her and thus, was given a trap. Sadly, I went on my way, disparaging Muffin Face all the way home. I called Sora to give him an update, he did not let on to his feat.

As I got home and read the note on the door, my face lit up as I slowly went inside.

“You caught her?” I asked. “She’s here?”

Sora smiled and said, “Well, I caught a cat. I am pretty sure she is yours.”

Filled with excitement, I went to the back room to reclaim my mischievous cat. As I looked at her, sitting under a shelf, I said, with glee, “That’s not my cat.”

….

Oh, what a chuckle I had. And I called EVERYONE to share the news.

I had decided that I would feed this disheveled and starving cat and then let it go. But then I heard the wheezing and reconsidered. After some debate as to whether the cat was owned I decided, “Well, if it is, they should be arrested.”

I contacted a friend at a shelter and she said that she would take my new friend and get him some help. It was decided that I would bring him to the vet, from which she would get him and bring him to the shelter.

As the night progressed, it became clear that I was favored by this miscreant–certainly over the man with the net. Smelly Cat, as I called him, was very sweet, although very sick and tired.

In the morning I brought him to the vet, where I was assured that he would get looked at. I have asked the shelter to be kept apprised of his situation.

I have a feeling that Sora did, in fact, catch my cat–just not the one I was thinking of.

** Picture soon to follow **

I was discussing with people at work about how it was a good time for Muffin Face to join a gang. If she times it right, she could have her initiation done and her Panthers leather jacket before it gets cold out.

Sora later asserted: “That’s certainly a good residual benefit! I just hope she survives the valley gang wars- you know with the violence and in-fighting and the tattoos.”