we’re gonna get hammered…

Alright, so I didn’t get hammered but I did go to a chapel. Well, a church, but it was for a glorious reason. Miss Jennifer got married! To whom? Why, Mr. Timothy, of course. Oh, my little Jennifer, all grown up.

What was the best part? Well, a very distant first would be Jen’s very kind words about me. I mean, I know I’m pretty spectacular but when someone else says it, it lends a bit of credence to it. Now, if only we could coordinate speaking more often than once every six months. We’re boys like that—boys with fantastic racks.

The highlight of the evening was a very kind gesture by a high school chum of Jen and/or Tim’s who invited me to their table after I sat for about an hour alone. Wedding party filled tables sit empty for quite some time and if you’re not in that wedding party, it can be an issue. Thus I munched heavily on cheese.

Sasha, the very nice gentleman who invited me to their table, made the night great fun. I have never danced for so long without being painfully aware of how awkward I am, and yet, I felt like I could at least keep up. It was a bit like someone making a really big scene to distract onlookers from some kind of private catastrophe—and I greatly appreciated his efforts.

I also met a young man who I believe they called Weisman and who I would describe as looking a bit like Matthew McConaughey—if Matthew McConaughey bathed. Long curly locks and a mustache to match. Who does that? Not many, but it worked for him. (It’s only a matter of time before we find out he’s a 14-year-old porn star. But hey, you do what you have to do to get by.) There was alot of very pleasant chatting about what I want to be when I grow up and then, of course, some discussions about hairspray.

Another of these hoodlums, the youngest of three brothers who look nothing alike, looked very much like someone I went to high school with. He would have been 8 years this chum’s junior, but they looked so much alike it was almost distracting. I think he was a bit unprepared for my sarcasm as I commented on his “Italian” jacket (I use quotes because I took issue with the authenticity of his claim). “So, some guy named Chico sold it to you.”

One more young man had quite the personal awakening that evening. It might rank in the range of religious experience for him. He discovered pineapple juice. Not only that, but that you could put Bacardi in it and not taste it. I fear a spiral into fruit flavored alcoholism, but who hasn’t spent some time at the bottom of a Dole can? He reminded me of a friend of Sora’s, if Sora’s friend were a touch more attractive. And again, very nice and interesting. I had pretty much given up on guys younger than me having much insight, but I can be proven wrong.

I could also just be really, really naive. Weddings are their own universe.

So, congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Lee on, not only their wedding, but in being surrounded by a good group of riff raff.