JBot Mania

Today is Local JBot’s Gonna Kill-A-Man Day. It would be National if I were to be traveling today out-of-state.

What kind of holiday is JBot’s Gonna Kill-A-Man Day, you ask? Well, it’s a day where you get to stay as far away from JBot as possible to avoid getting hit by the shrapnel of her self-destruct sequence.

Think of it as a Festivus consisting entirely of an airing of grievances.

JBot’s Gonna Kill-A-Man Day is a holiday that comes 12 times a year, approximately 4 weeks apart. It’s really more of a floating holiday, though. And although you may think this holiday comes every day, you’ll notice a dramatic peak in JBot’s Intolerance Module™ on this specific day.

Suggestions for a successful JBot’s Gonna Kill-A-Man Day celebration:

1. Don’t ask JBot why you can’t directly edit the text in a JPEG.
2. Don’t setup users on a web site and forget vital details that break things.
3. Don’t open Excel documents in Word and wonder why Word crashes.
4. Don’t delete important folders when there is a nice, safe archive folder where things can be put.
5. Don’t be old and senile.
6. Don’t say you open at 8:30am and then dawdle behind your little metal screen until 8:35am because you are the almighty Post Office. Remember, you are already on the verge of extinction but for your package pickup services.
7. Don’t chew in a way that JBot would find annoying.
8. Don’t speak in a way that JBot would find annoying.
9. Don’t BREATHE in a way that JBot would find annoying.
10. Don’t bail on a get together without explanation.

Other than that, giving JBot ALOT of space and quiet is recommended, unless you like taking your life into your own hands.

And yes, the day has been marked on the calendar, as I suspect a trend. Soon, I will develop a pool online to guess when the next JBot’s Gonna Kill-A-Man Day is going to be. It’s a surprise, much like Smith’s Mountain Day. However, Mountain Day comes with the clanging of bells while JBot’s Gonna Kill-A-Man Day comes with the clanging of skulls. A minor difference really.

So, on an excursion to what has become a glorified street corner, also known as a mall, I was enjoying a Strawberry Julius® while Sora enjoyed an Orange Julius®. I pointed out the calendar vendor on the lower level and asked “What possesses someone to look at the business model for a calendar stand and see the key to their financial future?” Sora looked over the railing and said, “Well, you know that Indian lady who sells the dots in Trumbull?” To which I said, “Yes.” Now, of course, the “dots” he was speaking about were the new freeze dried little bits of ice cream. I, however, heard “Indian lady” and “dots” and you can imagine what I thought she was selling.

I don’t know, I thought maybe they decorated them or something. You know, for special occasions. Sometimes they have glitter or jewels and I just can’t imagine it stays that way all year round. If it doesn’t, where do they get the accessories? The Dot Lady, right?

Sigh… no, there is no such thing as a “Dot Lady”. Well, at least, not yet…