JBot Mania

I found another swanky site called One sentence and it is a collection of stories told in one sentence.

The most endearing so far…

“I opened a door at the exact moment an earthquake began, so I shut the door.”

And for me…

“Recently I realized that I waste my life on the internet … and published this insight in a blog.”

Now I have to think of my own. Tick, tock… we’ll see.

1. Ironically, I suspect that I will one day die at the precise moment when I am wondering what would happen if I died.

2. Don’t have a wedgie while sleeping or you could end up dreaming about a neverending struggle to evacuate your bowels. All I will say is that the “process” was continually interrupted by people barging into the bathroom. That was probably the best solution, however.

3. People who are jogging at 8:30am should be shot because they probably don’t have to work.

4. There is such a thing as a two car traffic jam–and to those people creating them, I wish you a firey, firey death.

…and by “late”, I mean this guy is 10 years too late.

Check out the Seitz 6×17 Digital.

Upon first inspection, it seems like a pretty run-of-the-mill digital camera for taking panoramics. There are some nice sample shots, like the one below.

Then you start reading things like “Very high speed and resolution: 300 MB raw data per second! ” Hmm… why would I need 300 MB per second…?

You pause, scroll down further and then you see this:

Yes ladies and gentlemen, that IS a Mac Mini. THIS is your portable storage device. This is because, of course, “A 6×17 digital panorama (uncompressed) has about 950 MB. To process and store such large amounts of data we have created a state-of-the-art computer system. Data is transferred by gigabit ethernet from the sensor to the storage device. ”

And then the kicker…

Holy fuck, that is the camera TO SCALE. And they actually say “We designed this camera to meet the expectations of those photographers who like to take their equipment on exploratory adventures. ” What kind of exploratory adventures are you going to take this puppy on? Mountain climbing? A trip to the Grand Canyon? A day at the beach?

“Alright then, I’ll just put this in my pock… Oh shit.”

Good God man. You couldn’t even bring this bitch as carry-on.

“Uh yeah, so I’d like to rent TWO vehicles for the weekend.”
Sales associate “And whom shall I put the second car under?”
“Oh, me. I am renting both. The second is for my camera. God, I am SO glad I got this. And you can see how practical it is. I just throw it over my shoulder, fall backward, jar it beyond ever being functional, and I am on my way.”

Or, from Dr. Nick who pointed me to the story, “Imagine pulling it out at a party, ‘Hold on, let me get a shot of everyone. No no, you don’t have to scrunch together.”

And don’t worry, the site says that it is a “rewarding investment”. I’m glad they could determine that for me, as it wasn’t obvious from all of it’s ridiculously unecessary features and size. Good thing, with a price tag around $36,000.

I am pretty sure I have seen the creator of this camera before. He was at a CompUSA not too long ago and I am pretty sure I overhead him say, “Yeah, I’m going to go buy a new desktop this weekend. It’s called the WOPR. Oh yeah, I’m totally stoked”

It is called DrawSpace.com - but be aware, that is NOT the URL. There are all sorts of drawing lessons and you can have your own online portfolio. I LOVE it. I would never post anything because it would be embarassingly poor, but the idea is wonderful.

I think it would have been alot of fun to have this while I was at Smith and I wonder if they could have incorporated it somehow into Basic Drawing. Probably not. I think the professors would have been a bit touchy about that. And with good cause, they have their own style for teaching, which is why they have the job. Personally, I liked my drawing teacher very much. I think she did a good job of teaching us the concepts and the techniques without pretending like it was all some big secret–and she even had us over to her house. What a thought! That is also why Smith was so great–she wasn’t the only teacher that would have students over. I like having a name and not a number to my professors.

On first reading the title of this article “Student boycott at women’s college suspended” I was quite certain that Smith College, my alma mater, had finally eliminated tofu from its kitchens. In reality, it was actually something important and not at all related to Smith.

I can say with certainty that I think it is very important to keep the women’s college experience alive. In my college career I went to three different colleges, all of which were one extreme or another in the gender breakdown. Frankly, I am quite happy to have taken a majority of my classes without boys (no, no–you are not men a 18). I can honestly say that the classes were more fulfilling without these penis toting individuals (PTIs) in them. ** ‘Penis toting individuals ‘ is a term of mine from circa 1999 or so. It was funny then and it still makes me laugh now.

Why you ask? Well, I’ll make a rough estimation here and say that about 75% of ALL comments made by PTIs in the classes I took were rooted entirely in a desire to hear themselves speak. That’s fine and all, but not on my time. I am back in a class now, mostly male, and it is the exact same thing. Any time they raise their hand it is usually to share some car’s engine specification (which is always posed in the form of a question to somehow make it a legitimate response to a lull in the lecture).

Of course, there are many vacuous and, sadly, chatty girls out there but you really didn’t see those at Smith. And I don’t think you’d really see them at any other women’s college either. Their needs for rampant hair brushing and frequent sex (with men) would not be met at an all women’s college. Here we can be grateful for the high concentration of dykes at these schools. They’re keeping it real even if they’re keeping it with each other.

So, I say sue. You got a penis? You go somewhere else. I don’t need you sucking up my academic air and spitting back sports scores.

And that’s how I see it.

titular: Pronunciation Key - [tich-uh-ler]

–adjective
1. existing or being such in title only; nominal; having the title but none of the associated duties, powers, etc.: the titular head of the company.

More

I am currently looking for ways to use this word in daily conversation. How else can I slip something with ‘tit’ in there?

From Grist (I can look past the Monopoly thing):

“In one Florida county, taking out the garbage just got interesting. At a soon-to-be-built landfill, superpower-wielding workers will vaporize trash with “lightning-like plasma arcs.” By their powers combined, the gaseous byproducts will run the facility and a nearby Tropicana plant, and the solids will be used to build roads. Talk about taking pollution down to zero …”

Anything that uses the phrase “plasma arcs” gets my attention. It sounds soo hot… and it IS.

Sigh… I hope we’re on our way to less poo, but only time will tell.

Sometimes Greenies just need to let it go already. Here’s a little quip from Grist.

“Prius passes GO, collects more than $200. Monopoly has introduced a modernized Here & Now version, nauseatingly complete with McDonald’s fries, a New Balance running shoe, Starbucks coffee, and a Motorola Razr cell phone as game pieces. Also making the cut: a Toyota Prius. Guess a Hummer wouldn’t fit in the box. ”

Hi guys, get a clue. They didn’t charge McDonalds, Starbucks, etc. to have their brands in the game. Their just having some fun. Get a life.

you come up with the slogan:

“Is your CEO more of an ass than an asset?”

So, I took a little test and this is what it said…. I think it is pretty accurate.

Left brain dominant individuals are more orderly, literal, articulate, and to the point. They are good at understanding directions and anything that is explicit and logical. They can have trouble comprehending emotions and abstract concepts, they can feel lost when things are not clear, doubting anything that is not stated and proven.

Right brain dominant individuals are more visual and intuitive. They are better at summarizing multiple points, picking up on what’s not said, visualizing things, and making things up. They can lack attention to detail, directness, organization, and the ability to explain their ideas verbally, leaving them unable to communicate effectively.

Overall you appear to be Right Brain Dominant

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According to Darwinian theory, optimal evolution takes place with random variation and selective retention. The evolution savvy individual will try many different approaches when faced with a problem and select the best of those approaches. Many historical intellectuals have confessed their advantage was simply considering/exploring/trying more approaches than others. The left brain dominant type suffers from limited approaches, narrow-mindedness. The right brain dominant type suffers from too many approaches, scatterbrained. To maintain balanced hemispheres, you need to exercise both variability and selection. Just as a company will have more chance of finding a great candidate by increasing their applicant pool, an individual who considers a wider set of options is more likely to make quality decisions.