Playing the part of Muffin Face, and subsequently the stray cat, I present to you, Mack (or Buckie as he is being called at the vet).
You really want to brace yourself for a moment. He’s had a long, hard life in the stunt double business and probably has done some things that he’s not so proud of…
With a good hot shower and some vaseline on the lens, you’d never know he had FIV.
“While other automakers rushed to beef up their pickup trucks and SUVs with stronger frames and bigger motors, Honda (Charts) stood to one side, refusing to develop either a V-8 engine or a traditional body-on-frame light truck. Likewise, when other manufacturers engaged in a horsepower race to lure consumers and take advantage of cheap gasoline, Honda held back. Staying true to its philosophy of “maximum man, minimum machine” it concentrated on smaller, more efficient four- and six-cylinder engines…
Honda’s decision to stick with what it believes in is now paying off big time. Look at what happened in July. For its first quarter, Honda reported sales up 15 percent and operating profit up 19 percent. The Honda Accord and Civic ranked as the second and fourth best selling passenger cars in America. In a U.S. market where overall sales fell 17.4 percent, Honda brand vehicles rose 6 percent.”
So, they said not to leave the cat trap out at night because I might catch a raccoon. Well, I wasn’t catching anything else, so I said, “Hey, raccoons are cute too. I just want to catch something. Anything to make me feel like I am making any kind of progress on the Muff front.”
And wouldn’t you know it–I caught something. Here’s a little rendition of the creature.
Needless to say, when I woke up and saw this creature in my trap, I said, “Oh shit.”
I’m not crazy. I know that skunks are “cute” but only until they spray you and you forever have that skunk funk on you. I also knew, though, as a reasonably caring human being that I could not leave it in there until it somehow figured out how to grow opposable thumbs and/or died.
I went outside and took a better look at my catch. It was relatively small and yes, cute. I was careful when making my approach, however. There was also the faint odor of skunk spray. Do skunks run out of spray? I was not sure.
My little friend was staying pretty close to the end where I would have to release him. I wasn’t too keen on that idea. I turned to say hello to my neighbors who asked if I would keep it, after which, the animal had moved to the middle. I decided to approach slowly.
The problem with this situation is that the release maneuver is not exactly quick and clean. You have to unclamp something, do a little dance, etc. etc. I decided to stand a distance away and reach over to the cage so that I could hopefully, leap backward in the event that I saw any signs of tail raising.
My first attempt to unlock the trap was unsuccessful and the skunk showed its displeasure at my existence. It made a little squeak and, I believe, thumped its foot much like a rabbit.
I tried again with little success and then decided to go full boar on the unlocking process since the skunk seemed happy enough to thump and realized that I was actually helping it.
Once I got the trap unlocked, I stepped back again to give the skunk and I some breathing room. All the while, of course, I am talking to said skunk, explaining what I am doing. “I know honey, I don’t want you in there either.” or “I just need to unlock it and then I can let you go.”
I reached toward the cage again, raised the exit door and backed away. After a few seconds, the skunk figured it out and went about its merry way, a bit slowly. Hopefully he has not sprayed any of my neighbors… and I suppose I won’t leave the trap out at night anymore.
Call me crazy, but something about the sound of children chanting creeps me out. I was outside, setting the trap for Muff, and I had the eerie feeling that if I stayed out there long enough, the children that I heard chanting were going to appear behind me to exact some kind of punishment on me.
I think I was traumatized by the following Star Trek episodes–“The Children Shall Lead” and “Miri”.
I was listening to NPR the other day and I heard a piece about the artist Jose Gonzalez. If you wanted a very cursory comparison, Nick Drake would be somewhat close, but I give this guy a little more credit. My absolute favorite track from the NPR piece was “Put Your Hand on Your Heart” To fully appreciate it, you should hear the version by Kylie Minogue first. At least in this instance, he gets it, unlike the original artist. As an Argentinian living in Sweden, you can imagine he has a somehwat unique perspective. He also used to play in a hard rock band closely compared to Black Flag.
For the uber lazy… like me.
Now, don’t give this to the president of my company or I’ll be posting buttons all day.
“Time is money.”
Yeah, thanks. So that’s why I’m getting such a short and pointless fortune then.
I might give this a shot but it does say that “You must be simultaneously inspired and dedicated.” I am neither for very long.
And now to the next chapter in Muff Watch 2006. I am going to have to embellish a bit, since I was not present for these events, but you’ll enjoy it.
Yesterday evening, as Sora was entering my apartment, he saw Muffin Face lying on the porch of the house across the street. Quickly, he dashed into the apartment, grabbed the big black net, and started after her.
Waking up from what appeared to be a doze, Muffin Face leaped up and ran into the backyard. Sora quickly gave chase. Leaping over hedges and across lawns, he finally cornered her in a garden. The garden just so happened to belong to the nice Polish gentlemen that I met the day before.
One of the men offered to “flush her out” of the garden to Sora’s awaiting net. Muffin Face, however, would have none of it and leaped over the garden wall. She landed skillfully on a seven-foot high wall that was perhaps a foot wide, if that. Sora charged after her, across the treacherous wall, finally jumping to the ground to continue the chase. Soon enough, with one swoop of the net, he caught her!
The entire neighborhood had become aware of the chase and all had come to watch. As he raised the net triumphantly in one hand, they all began to cheer “Bravo!”
Women were hanging out of their windows throwing flowers down upon him. The echoes of the revelry could be heard two streets over. The entire street filled with people congratulating him and parading behind him as he made his way back to my apartment. After putting Muffin Face inside the door, Sora shut it and gave the crowd one last raise of the fist and hearty kiss and a wave. He proceeded inside to the waiting prisoner.
Picking up a picture and making careful comparison, Sora determined that he had, indeed, captured the notorious Muffin Face. Rather pleased with his handy work, he put this Muffin Face in the back room and neatly arranged her blankets and food bowl. She would get her comeuppance soon enough, but not until I arrived home.
To alert me to his victory, a sign was constructed and placed on my door, alerting me to the Viscous (not vicious) kitties inside, captured by the Cat Gang Reclamation Association.
Whilst all this was happening, I had been at a shelter in Bethel trying to obtain a Muffin Face replacement, to no avail. Apparently I was supposed to catch her and thus, was given a trap. Sadly, I went on my way, disparaging Muffin Face all the way home. I called Sora to give him an update, he did not let on to his feat.
As I got home and read the note on the door, my face lit up as I slowly went inside.
“You caught her?” I asked. “She’s here?”
Sora smiled and said, “Well, I caught a cat. I am pretty sure she is yours.”
Filled with excitement, I went to the back room to reclaim my mischievous cat. As I looked at her, sitting under a shelf, I said, with glee, “That’s not my cat.”
….
Oh, what a chuckle I had. And I called EVERYONE to share the news.
I had decided that I would feed this disheveled and starving cat and then let it go. But then I heard the wheezing and reconsidered. After some debate as to whether the cat was owned I decided, “Well, if it is, they should be arrested.”
I contacted a friend at a shelter and she said that she would take my new friend and get him some help. It was decided that I would bring him to the vet, from which she would get him and bring him to the shelter.
As the night progressed, it became clear that I was favored by this miscreant–certainly over the man with the net. Smelly Cat, as I called him, was very sweet, although very sick and tired.
In the morning I brought him to the vet, where I was assured that he would get looked at. I have asked the shelter to be kept apprised of his situation.
I have a feeling that Sora did, in fact, catch my cat–just not the one I was thinking of.
** Picture soon to follow **
I was discussing with people at work about how it was a good time for Muffin Face to join a gang. If she times it right, she could have her initiation done and her Panthers leather jacket before it gets cold out.
Sora later asserted: “That’s certainly a good residual benefit! I just hope she survives the valley gang wars- you know with the violence and in-fighting and the tattoos.”
