JBot Mania

An imaginary conversation with a co-worker.

Contributors: JBot and Brenda

Doofus Intern: “Oh no, did I forget to order your sandwiches? I guess I shouldn’t order them anymore.”

JBot or Brenda: “No, you see how this works is that you will now order them EVERY day and if you screw it up again, we will shove something up your ass. Every time you screw it up after that, we will shove something larger and more abrasive up there and you will have no one to blame but yourself.”

My new word, that just popped into my head is: blogasm

Blogasm is a word to describe the high volume of posts I have put up since last night.

“I had a veritable (one of my favorite words) blogasm of content.”

Here’s a little life lesson for all of you. It involves myself and a co-worker whom we shall continue to call Brenda because that is still her name…

I was at the refrigerator here and I had just made some tea. I perused the milk in the fridge and gave it a sniff. It smelled about one step over the spoiled line. I sniffed again, gave a smirk, said “Oh well” and put it in my cup. I then told Brenda what I had done and she said, “What’s the date on it?” to which I replied, “I didn’t look”. As this was all transpiring, I had decided to ignore the floating bits of “milk” in my tea cup. About ten minutes later she is in there and says “[JBot], it says June 13th.” Very soon after, my tummy started to hurt. Brenda then gave me a coke and I added a pop tart because technically it is “bread”. Hopefully all will be well.

The best part of all of this, I think, is that after putting the spoiled milk in my tea, I then proceeded to put it back in the refrigerator.

I, uh, I didn’t have alot of roomates in college.

So this was sitting on my front lawn and I just couldn’t pass up a keen learning experience with the possibility of me convincing the owner to just, gosh, GIVE it to me if I get it running. It is a, I believe, 1980 Spider… possibly a Pinnafarina since that is written on the glovebox.

Currently, myself and Bob, my very nice auto instructor, are working on a way to get to the starter to connect the solenoid correctly. She did turn over but with some coersion, so we need to get her doing it all on her own. Step #1 was to connect the gas line that was spewing the stuff everywhere. See, when I say “It smells like gas when I turn the key.” I am serious.

Anyway, I’ll keep you aprised. She’s a piece of work, in more ways than one, but so am I.

In the midst of a Blogtastic night, I am posting proof that I participated in the 2006 Bike NY Five Boro Bike Tour. Above is JBot and DadBot, also known as “Sean Connery”.

Next you will see some illustrious shots from the greatest bridge on Earth–the Brooklyn Bridge, of course. This detour was definitely a good decision.

Here is Sean Connery taking in the view and conveniently looking in the direction of the camera.

Here I am, always aware of the camera.

There’s something about clarinets in a song that automatically inspire thoughts of a movie soundtrack. I’d say the most immediate visions that come to mind are images from “Fried Green Tomatoes”–one of my favorite movies.

Right now I am listening to “Half Acre” by Hem, which has a good deal of clarinets and other dreamy sounds. You may recognize it from the most recent Liberty Mutual commercial.

I am fairly certain that this song will add an air of significance to anything you happen to be doing while it is on.

“I am holding half an acre
Torn from the map of Michigan
And folded in this scrap of paper
Is the land I grew in

That can crack the darkest sky wide open
Every burden taken from me
Every night my heart unfolding
My home “

People who call in when they have the day off

I don’t know, is it that hard to grasp that you simply are NOT that important and people CAN go on working without you?

Also on the list is the reverse– Bosses and coworkers who call you when you have the day off

Is it really that hard to grasp that work is not the center of the universe and calling about oh say, where some office item is, probably isn’t necessary.

Above you see some Haribo Gold Gummy Bears. The best kind, I have been told. The best I ever had, were in an open bin at a Blockbuster in Stamford– weird.

Anyway, I just wanted to alert you to the proper way to eat a gummy bear. It pains me so to put such delightful creatures into my mouth to face nothing but their impending doom, so I try to shield them from the horror by placing them ass first and face down into my mouth. This way they never know what hit, or bit, them. Please try to do the same with your Gummy Bears. It’s the only humane thing you can do–besides swearing them off completely, which I do not recommend.

And while we’re at it and all looking for a glimpse of our childhood, here is a link to the Haribo website.

These next two items won’t quell the texting addiction that I have BUT they would make it a bit less tedious and lessen my TextRage™.

Option 1: Samsung 307

Option 2: Nokia 9300 (My personal choice for swankiness)

The Nokia looks like it would be the easiest to use but it does have the higher price tag of $250 WITH a two year plan but it does come with 2 more days of “talk time” (a bullshit specification). The Samsung is about the same price as my Razr, however, at about $200 with a 2 year plan. It doesn’t look that much easier to use, though, unless you have teeny fingers. There’s other numbers and figures that people may be interested in but I really just care about what the phone looks like.

In the end, I can afford neither and have chosen to start actually speaking on the phone and using IM, like the good old days, to keep down my text costs which this month were $75. You realize the whole pricing scheme for texts is completely ascinine, of course. But hopefully one day they will wise up like AOL did and help their customers stay out of the poorhouse. Oh, those were the days. I think there are probably STILL some people in debt from that… but they’re probably STILL not married so it’s not hurting anyone.

You know, some people may ACT like children when they get married, but they shouldn’t actually BE children when they get married.

An article on some new marriage laws in Colorado