JBot Mania

So, today I opened up a yogurt that had an epiration date of July 9th. Well, it must have been in a time warp because when I took a big ol’ spoonful–it was cheesy flavored. Uck, how revolting. Luckily I had another container to wash away the bad experience.

I’d just like to point out that I do NOT seek out curdled dairy products. It just happens.

If any of you remember that episode of “King of the Hill” where they go to Japan and end up meeting Hank’s half brother, you’ll remember a little subplot involving Bobby and a Japanese girl dancing to something along the lines of “Dance Dance Revolution”. Well, it turns out that this little device might just be the key to my physical well being, as well as, further development of my ninja-like reflexes.

Here’s the plan, buy the dance pads and video game for “Dance Dance Revolution” and dance my heart away in my apartment, alone, and build up my muscles, cardiovascular system, and dancing street cred–all in one fell swoop.

See, I personally HATE exercising and most sports either are not interesting or they require other people. I am not a people person. This seems like a viable solution.

Here’s some info for those unitiated into the “Dance Dance Revolution”, well, revolution.

Yes, it’s a wiki entry.

And here is also an article about some fat kids who are also using it.

JBot to Brenda

“Help me, I’m greasy.”

Thank you very much to Sora for finding this article for me on some good, old-fashioned Trashonomics.

“Making plant food from worm poop and packaging it in reused bottles, Tom Szaky created a truly beautiful business model. ”

“Worms, after all, do not charge for their labor, never take a day off, produce their body weight in waste every 24 hours, and–since they copulate while they eat–double their numbers every three months. They are also content to dine on stuff that might otherwise go into landfills. ”

And, of course, it has the word poop in it.

After 15 wonderous years, we had to say goodbye to Sammy Boy this Monday. He was a dog with a heart as big as him. With that heart he taught many to be enchanted, not affraid of dogs. Never fierce and always smart, he was a member of our family like anyone else.

I’m sad to think of his gate now lying unused and the couches free of his fur. I’m sad to think of hugs that will go uninterrupted by his strong objections. I will miss my favorite dance partner and my occasional pillow. He is already missed by many and that will not change.

I listened to this song on my way home last night and as I read the words over again, I see Sammy quite clearly in my mind. He is in my dad’s backyard under the light of a full moon and indigo sky. His white hair is glimmering like fresh snow and his dark brown eyes look playfully at me, waiting for my next move. He has that big, beautiful and mischevious smile that has been missing and he moves through the grass without an ounce of pain or hesitation. He is the Sammy we all had missed. He is the Sammy that he will always be.

Magic
Ben Folds Five

From the back of your big brown eyes
I knew you’d be gone as soon as you could
And I hoped you would

We could see that you weren’t yourself
And the lines on your face did tell
It’s just as well

You’d never be yourself again

Saw you last night
Dance by the light of the moon
Stars in your eyes
Free from the life that you knew

You’re the magic that holds the sky up from the ground
You’re the breath that blows these cool winds ’round
Trading places with an angel now

Saw you last night
Dance by the light of the moon
Stars in your eyes
Free from the life that you knew

Saw you last night
Stars in your eyes
Smiled in my room

Sigh… I’ve been watching the Daily Show on and off the past few weeks and I’m starting to wonder if they’ve run out of material. Tonight was just plain pathetic. Pointing out how Fox News is reporting on the simultaneous events of Israel attacking Gaza while Hamas and Fatah have agreed to recognize Israel isn’t all that funny when every other news agency is doing the same thing. The comment had nothing to do with Fox News and yet they use Fox News as the example. Personally, I have a deep and visceral hatred of Fox News, but even I am tired of using them as an example of right wing stupidity. And the tired pattern of Bush joke followed by his poor immitation of Bush laughing is disapointing. Was it always this bad and I just never knew? Did ALL of their writers go to The Colbert Report? Sadly, I think it’s all Colbert all the time for me. What a disapointing turn of events.

When discussing whether I was a lesbian for owning a pants suit, Sora enlightened me to some guiding principles that he holds near and dear to his heart.**

“something I learned…
never trust a guy who drives a vw cabriolet
never play cards with a guy who has the first name of a city
never get less than 10 hours of sleep
and never trust a woman in a pants suit”

** these may have come from an alternate source

UPDATE– We found the original source from Teen Wolf (YES!)

“There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese.”

I was watching a Lowes commercial the other day, enjoying the voice of a generation–Mr. Gene Hackman–when I was inspired to make a purchase. The seedy underworld of voiceovers hadn’t really crossed my consciousness until I went through the checkout process and saw the following shipping options for my order:

That’s right, it says “Standard, 2 Business Days, Gene Hackman”.

I decided to look into this further and find out if, in fact, my order would be hand delivered by The Hackman himself. Upon calling the very adept, although heavily Indian, Call Center for Lowes (I suspect they share a Call Center with Home Depot as the representative slipped on more than one occasion), I was assured that yes, in fact, my order would be delivered by The Hackman. What a delight! They could not guarantee speedy delivery but they could guarantee a genuine bad ass attitude. I was thrilled.

But then I had to wonder, why would The Hackman agree to such an arrangement that would not only put his career in jeopardy but also his physical safety? Turns out he doesn’t read his contracts very well. Lowes had offered him a lower price for his services in exchange for some travel perks. He neglected to note the phrase where “travel perks” were described to “include and most likely be limited to personal deliveries to any schmucks willing to pay $25 or more for shipping.”

So now I too will be purchasing a SUC and breathlessly awaiting his arrival. I intend to invite the Warrior as well, so that they can exchange war stories about aviator glasses over Mint Juleps. Photo-op!

Currently watching “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia“. Any show that can put the subject of child molestation to a soundtrack of flutes is a show for me. Also, a show where a man TRIES to get molested because he doesn’t understand why he WASN’T good enough to be molested in the first place, is very high on my list of good twisted. And if you didn’t catch that, yes, Mr. Belding was the accused gym teacher. I’m sad that they will likely schedule it into obscurity like my other favorite mid-season replacement “The Loop” but one can hope Fox might change.

hoo·li·gans
(1) n. tough and aggressive or violent youths

(2) n. cruel and brutal fellows