Recently I was asked to provide a description of where I see myself in three years as far as my current job is concerned. I provided the following.
“Scenario One: Senior Monkey Wrangler
As the company grows, I believe that we will see an increasing need for the monkeys and chalk that we use to create our auto response emails. As this need grows, it will become imperative to manage the nutritional needs of said monkeys in an efficient manner. Also, as the number of monkeys increases, so does the likelihood that they will join together in attempts to gain their freedom. All of this being said, we will need a Senior Monkey Wrangler to not only feed the monkeys, but to supply them with chalk and to monitor them for signs of mutiny. I would be this person – with bells on.
Potential Side Job: Primate Feces Conversion Specialist
As an extension of the Wrangler position, I could also start research into the conversion of monkey feces into fuel, as we will have a wealth of it should we grow to be a very large company with a need for many automatic email responses. I also expect said feces to be hurled at employees on a regular basis, which should make collection not only rewarding, but enjoyable.
Scenario Two: Fleet Mechanic
As our company grows, I foresee the need for a fleet of company vehicles to shuttle our Curriculum Coordinators and various support staff to what will be an overwhelming amount of training sessions. As Fleet Mechanic, I will be responsible for maintenance and frequent diagnostic related driving of said vehicles. Our vehicles will most likely be a variety of Fiats, Gremlins, and Delorians – all of which are not only reliable, but extremely practical. They will all be painted attractive combinations of blue, orange, and white. The position will require an onsite garage with lifts to perform maintenance. I will also require a lackey whom I will call Paco regardless of his actual name. I will be highly successful and moderately efficient in my repairs. My efficiency will depend entirely on my level of Cheeto consumption.
Scenario Three: Master of Generally Everything
In three years, I would hope that I would not be doing programming as my main function, if much at all. I am not entirely sure what I would be doing but it would be more interesting to develop ideas of how to leverage the site with its current features and develop ideas for other features. I would focus on the user experience and probably have gotten a degree of some kind in that area. I would like to be the resource to which people turn for advice as to how the site should work and that my opinion would carry a significant amount of weight as I would have proper training. I would also like to be involved in marketing strategy to some degree. Barring this, I expect to be an auto mechanic at a garage somewhere in the greater Fairfield County area where I will be extremely successful as the only female mechanic in the area that tells it like it is.”
