So, I have been put on a really restricitive diet. When I say ‘restrictive’ you may think, “Ok, no cheese, no sugar…” - somethng sensible like that. Sadly, though, those are just the beginning. This is not ‘restrictive’ like say, a formal suit jacket. This is ‘restrictive’ like a formal suit jacket - that sets you on fire if you bend your arms. Here is a list of what I can’t have.

  • oranges
  • corn
  • wheat, barley, spelt, kamut, rye; all gluten containing products
  • tofu, tempeh, soybeans, soy products
  • peanuts
  • beef, pork, cold cuts, frankfurters, sausage, canned meats, shellfish
  • milk, cheese, cottage cheese, cream, yogurt, butter, ice cream, frozen yogurt, non-dairy creamers, soy milk, eggs
  • margarine, butter, shortening, processed and hydrogenated oils, mayonnaise, spreads
  • soda, alcoholic beverages, coffee, tea, caffeinated beverages
  • chocolate, ketchup, relish, chutney, soy sauce, BBQ sauce
  • white or brown refined sugar, honey, maple syrup, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup

If you happen to think of anything with actual flavor that is not on this list, I’d love to hear about it. I’m holding my breath for an apple pie that is somehow sugar free, gluten free, and free of butter but then, what would be the point? You can see how this diet might be a little difficult… especially with my eating habits and love of everything bad for you. It is day three and so far I have adhered to the diet - rice cakes and all. But, I am growing tired of planning every bite of my day. I’m fairly certain that I will, at the least, learn some better eating habits and learn of some new crazy foods that I can eat when I feeling guilty about devouring 41 buffalo wings or raw cookie dough. Ahhllmm….cookie dough.

Anyway, I’m hoping to get some pictures of the various ‘almost’ foods that I will be attempting to eat while on this diet along with some reviews. So far, I have been surprised at how well the things I have been eating have tasted. Albeit, I may have been expecting something much worse, and the term ‘well’ may simply mean ‘not bad’ but its a start.

I also plan to elaborate on what I have eaten each day, and more importantly, what I have CRAVED every day. It should be an interesting trip. I am expecting some depressing Haikus about apple pie by the end of week one.

And yes, on July 23rd, my memory will be a little foggy about the alcoholic beverage thing…